Boston, MA – A new ordinance starting today, passed by the Boston City Council intended to ban Influencers, cameras and all photography during hours restaurant are open to the public.
The move is designed to make the dining experience in Boston more pleasant and attract more diners.
“The number of seizures their lights cause Boomer patrons makes this a serious public health concern,” cited David Anthony Sullivan, the Constable of Public Health.
He continued, “Further, the number of splashed customers as they fake cheers six and seven times for the camera has warranted action.”
The ordinance makes it clear, they can operate before or after hours, just not during times the restaurant is open to the public.
“There is nothing more annoying than Influencers,” cited one restaurant owner speaking on condition of anonymity. “They are almost as annoying as people who cancle reservations, I’m glad they did it,” she concluded.
As expected, influencers were not happy with this decision. We expect to see dozens of vague passive agressive stories on Instagram.
“I have a Philosophy Degree, what else do you expect me to do? It’s not like Heidegger and Nietzsche are relevant,” said Vincent Errichetti, owner of Taste of Massachusetts/New England Pages.
The A.C.L.U. plans to fight this legislation in the courts. One spokesperson cited, “This is unfair, the ban should be extended to all influencers, not just foodies. Those fitness influencers are much worse!”
Thanks for reading and yes, April Fools.
We can and will even make fun of ourselves!
(Nothing in this article is true except I do have a Philosophy Degree Suffolk University 1998)
